Visualize, make a change goal and be at peace
or
How to deal with change, and lots of it

The new boss is coming in today but has already given me assignments for this week’s edition of the newspaper. I am still having problems dealing with the deep stress I get from the unknown. But I have learned a few simple techniques to deal with stress that might help you in your next Big Change.

When I got laid off from my full time reporter job back in 2008 I was at peace. I had a sixth sense that something was coming even though I did not have any evidence of it. I had begun taking personal items home and clearing my email inbox and desktop files. But after a month of this feeling I decided that, perhaps, I had been wrong.

When the news came that I was laid off effective immediately, I almost laughed. I’m sure that wasn’t the best reaction for my boss to see, but it was one of those “I can’t believe I’m right” laughs that we get to enjoy once in a while. I was losing my job, but I was right. They walked me over to my desk with a bag and instructed me to pack up all my personals. I couldn’t email anyone to let them know I was leaving. I couldn’t trash any of my investigations in progress. It sort of felt like someone was going to ask me to strip – and it wasn’t going to be pretty.

I wasn’t even allowed to say good-bye to anyone. I was just escorted to the door and they watched me leave. They called it a lay-off. It felt like a firing. I called it a soft firing – all the emotional baggage of being fired but with unemployment benefits.

I drove to the park and sat in my car thinking, giving myself time to let everything sink in. There was nothing I could do to change the boss’s mind. I figured I would make the best of it. I thought about the good things and the bad things. Good thing – I can take a vacation and learn new skills like dealing with the online unemployment office. Bad thing – I can call all my creditors and tell them I’ll be sending them less money for a while. I ran through all the scenarios and found peace. Peace came with my change goal of looking hard for another job and spending some much needed time fixing up my house. I had little influence on the outcome of this new change. I would roll with the punches. I would survive.

And now I could finally write that great American novel.

It’s rather like visualizing. I developed this habit when I was in high school and was asked to do a very challenging job. My mother suggested the method by talking me though it. It worked. The nerves weren’t as bad and I was proud of my final accomplishment.

Run through all scenarios, make a change goal and be at peace.

When my boss gave his two-week notice he met with me privately and said I should apply for his position. He said he put in a good word for me. I thanked him and said I’d think about it. I wasn’t surprised that he was leaving. He had been taking his sick days and vacation days at an alarming rate. But I couldn’t put in my resume just yet. I still had to take the weekend to think.

I sat in my car and thought about what I would do. Did I really want his position? It would mean more hours and better pay. It would also mean middle of the night calls if there was a problem with the paper or the electricity went out. I went through all the scenarios, problems and advantages I could think of. Then I went home.

My family suggested I just wait it out to see if there was someone in the wings waiting for the position. Turns out there was.

Now I’m at another changing place again. I know she can do the job, but I also know everything will change – the atmosphere in the office, the gentle chiding from my boss, the awesome editing of my work, the quiet voices, and the genuine respect of the staff and the public.

I will know what it’s like to work with my new boss soon enough. In the mean time, I wrote a column on what it was like working with my old boss. It helped me say good-bye. I submitted it and my new boss agreed to run it. I ran through the scenarios as much as I could and now I am at peace with whatever will be coming.

Change is a daily diet for everyone. There are few people that have the talent for avoiding change. Sometimes I envy them. Sometimes it seems like I get more than my share of change.

With change I have learned that there is little I can do to fix it or make it go back to the way it was. Finding peace with a new situation becomes my goal.

If you would like to try to find peace with your change, remember:
You didn’t cause the change. It just happened. It might be somebody’s fault, but revenge is a nasty way to go through life, so let it go.
Try to look at the changing situation as if you were above it, watching a movie. Try to keep your emotions out of it.
Use paper and pencil, tape recorder or just think in your very own private quiet space. If you don’t have a quiet space that’s private, you better get one. There’s going to be another change after the one you are dealing with now. Take all the time you need. Thinking before acting is a valuable skill.
Figure out the best-case scenario (my boss’s boss tells me I’m the best person for the job and gives me a huge raise with benefits) and the worst-case scenario (my boss can’t work with me and I get axed again). Either way, take a deep breath and go on with your day. Set the worry aside. There’s nothing you can do, but do your best.
Chose just one person to talk it out with about the change. Talking is important for working things out in your mind, but burdening everyone within your realm of influence is not necessary and will tie you up in emotional knots.

I wish you blessings in your change. Look back to other changes in your life and see the advantages. When I got laid off I was able to explore other options again and get out of the box I had been in for so long. I know that this new boss will teach me new things. Everyone has something to teach. Learning from someone new is my change goal for now.

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